Thursday, September 1, 2011


Over the summer, I had one of my first real 'pain in the ass' grown up days. I returned to Philly after a weekend at home and scooted off to work in my Loser Cruiser-Soccer Mom Van named Bertha. About half way down the block, I noticed a strange sound coming from the car. When I pulled over to inspect, I saw that my tire was flat. But not only was it flat, it had been slashed!

I tried to think of the person with whom I clearly had some beef, but came up empty. I have never slighted someone so badly that they would slash my tires. Now, I understand vandalism for the sake of profit (or I suppose that's theft?) or vandalism for the sake of expression like graffiti. But slashing my tire got me a ginormous pain and some kid ten seconds of tire air in his or her face. So thanks to what I presume was a troubled teen without cable, I had to call AAA. The AAA guy unscrewed the doughnut from my 1998 van and found that it was rusty as shit and not completely filling with air. So after he left, I called out of work and looked up my nearest Pep Boys. On the phone, I asked the Pep Boy for two tires -- one to put on my car and one to put in my car as a spare.

A note to all my fellow adulthood newbs out there: Apparently this is crazy woman talk because no one gets a tire and throws it in the back. They take up a lot of space, which would be really inconvenient since I only have an entire Soccer Mom van with two extra rows of seats.

After arguing a little with the Pep Boy and hearing him shake his head and roll his eyes, I let it go and drove my three tires and one doughnut over to Broad and Other Street. When I got there, the guy I'd talked with, who clearly found my naivete darling, flirted with me a little. But he left fairly quickly because (1) he was working (2) I happen to be an expert in the ancient art of warding off men and (3) he'd just treated me like a moron, so there was zero effort on my part. Instead, I waited patiently in the customer area for my turn to pay $120 for a new tire.

Although I am grateful for my automotive support, if I never see AAA or Pep Boys again, I will die contented. Ahhh, life lessons....

1 comment:

  1. Very funny - especially given the large size of your fairly empty old loser-cruiser, soccer-mom van!