Saturday, October 8, 2011

Nonsensical Rambling: You've Got Mail

I have been on a mini letter-writing kick lately. I know right?! Letters? If I'm gonna go old school, why don't I just chisel out some tablets and leave them on a mountain for my friends, or grab a pigeon from Fairmount Park and have it deliver rolled up parchment?

But, that's exactly the problem! I love paper, so I have a lot of stationary, but no one writes anymore. Also, my over-exposure to movies like The First Wives Club has made me fearful that I will die shortly after writing a letter. That way, when they're delivered, but friends will gasp, cover their mouths with one hand, take a step back, and be really touched by my insightful words about pretending to be Lizzie Bennet. Morbid, I know, but I can't help it. I'm like Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally, reading the last page of the book in case something kills me before I finish.

Perhaps my fears will decrease if I write more. So, give me your address. If you want me to write you a letter, I will sit right down and write you a letter.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Starting to Think About Osteoporosis: I'm a Big Girl Now

Well, it has been a long time. How is some racially-ambiguous young actress going to get her big break playing me if I don't keep my virtual auto-biography updated?!


A couple weeks ago, I decided that my Flintstones vitamins may not being doing it for me anymore. I came to the stunning revelation that what may keep a four year old healthy may not work on a 21 year old. Go figure! In response to my truly impressive thought, I asked my parents to get me some big girl vitamins -- the Green Tea Vitapac from GNC. I read online that they are supposed to give you energy and this 'being tired all the time' thing is really starting to affect my life, so I wanted them.

They come in little packets that each have six pills in them. And, of course, by little packet, I mean big packet, because all of these pills are fucking huge. Seriously, they can only fit an A on aspirin tablets. They can fit a whole sentence on these -- a long winded one. I have never before feared death by choking.

There are three capsules that get slippery when wet, so I take those in the morning becasue they're easier to swallow and I usually get up before my roommates. The second trio has two multi-vitamins and a calcium pill. The multi-vitamins are disgusting. The calcium are really chalky. When I first took them, I my brain jumped to "What if these are bones? Yes, my calcium pills are ground-up bones. What's better to make bones better than bones?!" Yeah, I get weird sometimes. But anyway, the second batch of pill are gi-normous, so I take them at night while my roommates are awake, my door is open, and there is "Self-Heimlich" video up on YouTube, just to be extra safe. I'm not kidding. I use this one:

I have been taking these pills for a week now. Being a child of the instant gratification era, I thought that, after one day, that I would have stronger muscles and a smaller tummy. Not so. However, I do feel a lot better. I used to feel tired and worn-out all the time. Now I just feel normal and ready.

Ready for anything.